My first 'test' in the relationship.

So everything had been going smoothly.... then this evening I had my first rock of boat so to speak. Is it drastic? I don't think so, however I'll shed some light on the issue to give you greater insight.

We had spent the last three days together, we had an awesome weekend where we went and stayed in this beautiful 5 star apartment in Manchester. Now I had been trying to get frisky with her all evening but she was like 'noooo not yet' and kept rejecting my advances. We had just ate a beautiful dinner and sat down and I was watching a movie while she was in the shower. She came out in a robe and her underwear and to be honest I can't remember the exact dialogue I finished watching the movie then showered and we finished off our evening with some sexy time!. The next two days we had an awesome time together she proclaimed she was the happiest she had ever been.... roll on.. two days later.

I had been chatting to her on the phone the previous evening while not paying attention 100% because I was looking for some new hair clippers on the net. She had been complaining about a sore throat. 

Then this evening we spoke on the phone, she said she was in a mood with me and was going to go to bed. It was no big deal, she usually gets in these little moods then comes out of them herself when she realises how much of a spaz she's being, I then usually get a txt apologising or saying shes loves me.

Anyway, I txt her wishing her good night and then I got a reply saying she was hormonal and had been unhappy all day. She was worried we were moving too fast...

WTF!?

I quizzed her in what way?

The issue came to her feeling like I was no longer wooing her and how the manchester thing had upset her and how she felt I didn't care she felt poorly with her sore throat.

Both I felt were pretty minor issues, I knew she was pissed about the thing in Manchester.. she had clearly made that issue be known, but it obviously had been at the back of her mind. I was a bit annoyed she was txting me this and that she hadn't been honest with me. 

I txt her back handling the situation, or trying to and then got another reply saying it was pretty obvious she was annoyed about the thing in manchester. She said we'd talk about it later and she loved me.

I then got another txt from her... in her classic style... saying

"I love you and dont want to be grumpy :-( x x x x "

So she had brought herself out of her mood. However, this one I think we will discuss as there maybe an underlaying issue. It did force me to scrutinise my involvement in the relationship, I noticed I'm not very complimentry to her, which was an issue I had with the girl I was seeing in summer. Maybe it's the way how the 'game' has forced me to sort of hold back compliments and feelings which has had a knock on effect. My only previous reference point of a relationship was with the ex that lead me to the game, everything was perfect up until the time we broke up. So when I hear of couples having problems or issues it is a bit alien to me as I never experienced that. I know there is a whole other side to interacting with women that I now have to learn, which I'm trying to remember. 

And although it is an issue, or maybe there is no issue at all, it is something I'd like to nip in the bud before it spirials into something bigger.

Holding Hands

I Remember back when I must have been about 17/18 I really liked this girl and was in a bit of a conundrum about it. I sought the advice of a female friend of mine, I cannot remember exactly what we discussed but I remember one thing vividly. She said to me

"If you feel like holding her hand, hold her hand.... if you feel like kissing her, kiss her"

I cannot exactly remember what I actually did about the situation, but I know it wasn't the advice I was given. Infact I probably dismissed it, until now...I've already established that on this journey the goal is not to learn more information but to unlearn. However, I constantly see others questing for the next hit of PU technology. These guys are master marketers constantly bombarding us with new stuff, I'm not immune to it, I still get enticed on the odd occasion and the allure of something new and exciting is what keeps guys going back for more. Not only that but the world that surrounds the 'community' is glamourised and distorted. I'll give you an example by what I mean by this.

In the Jeffy Show, he talks about 'chess club girl' and how she had all these guys surrounding her and after her, he talks about how she is was a 10. All fine and dandy? Well... apparantly pictures appeared on the internet of 'chess club girl' and community chodes started bitching about how she wasn't that hot etc etc. The actual fact is (I've not seen the pictures) 'chess club' was probably a normal girl, most attractive girls do have guys after them. But the community portrays certain stories in certain ways that every single girl these dudes get with is a supermodel. Now she may well have been a 10, and this is the key thing, she may have been jeffy's '10'. The problem that occurs now is that guys are scared to 'like' a girl because they're too worried about what the 'community' views as a '10' and what their fellow wings view as a '10'. Waiting for the next best thing, afraid to commit. The reality is you should go for your '10' nobody elses. 

Doing what you want to do

This is where the holding hands thing comes into it. Really one of the fundemental principles you have to take on and be consistent with is, Am I doing what I want to do? Whether that be holding a girls hand, kissing her, regardless of what others think around you. When you consistently do this people start to take notice and coupled with honesty you have all you need for successful seduction. Its often the most simple things that are the hardest to do, being truely honest, to oneself and to another person about what you want can be harder than one may think. But once mastered honesty is one powerful tool. This stretches out to everything you do, I often see guys copying tactics to get ' in state' but these things they do leave them looking like a clown, I'm sure this is not really them acting honestly with themselves, they're doing it hoping to 'get in state' as opposed to doing what they really want to do. The result is they often are perceived as slightly 'weird' by the girls and have a tendency to creep them out. Where as getting in state can be achieved in other ways that are aligned with who they really are as opposed to what they 'think' they should be doing. 

It can be quite frustrating sometimes when you see other people doing what you used to do, especially since you know a better way. However, they quite often cannot understand your way and if they're still relatively new, have to go through the process of learning it for themselves. The reason it frustrates me could be down to the shadowself, however that is an entirely different post I shall cover later...

Valentines Day

I was reading my post entry for Feb 14th 2008, what a difference a year makes. Last year I went out scored 3 make outs and was trying to figure out how I could have pulled a girl into the disabled toilets. This year Feb 14th was quite a contrast. We were both working the next day so decided to have a quiet evening in, cook some good food and watch a movie. Afterwards we presented each other with little gestures of our appreciation for each other. Mine included giving her a dozen red roses and I got a little box, filled it with heart shaped foil chocolates, heart shaped confetti and then on 23 pieces of confetti (we had been officially together for 23 days), wrote a different thing I loved about her. Placed them all inside and wrapped a red bow around.

    Now I was a little unsure about this, I thought it may have been a little cheesey, however, I couldn't have been more wrong. She was absolutely blown away and said it was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for her and how she was going to tell all her friends, result! The thing is we had originally only said we'd get each other cards, but I know women, when they say one thing they generally mean another. 

   For me she made the fairy cakes above (food), she also gave me some lush soap (shower), then an envolpe with little ones inside each with a date on. Apparantly each envolpe had a 'date' inside that represented something I was interested in/ a side of me. The first one was to go see the movie Notorious with her, as this is the sort of film she'd never go see usually. The food and shower references are to a text I sent her a while back where I joked I only go to see her to use her shower and because she cooks for me. She also gave me this Vogue collections magazine, with the spring summer collections from every designer, which was quite expensive for a magazine, essential for my work. I have to say I really loved all the effort she had put and had an amazing evening as did she. 

As far as the work is concerned I got told they'll be keeping me in personal shopping. They couldn't say I was definitely permenant but my manager said that as far as she was concerned, I have done incredible well and I was working in my best role. So... looks like all the work has sort of paid off.

high expectations

so i.ve come to the end of my second week in my new role at work. I'm really enjoying it and the last week i feel i've started to really get my teeth into the job. I had two appointments that i handled entirely myself and both clients went away with purchases and singing the praises of me and their experience. The downside? Both my managers responsible for making the major decisions were off this week so did not get to see that. Today i got a bit paranoid, probably the lack of sleep, when i heard my sales manager mentioning booking my rivals holiday she asked how it was going with me but the phone was ringing so i did not get the chance to go into detail. She asked if i was missing shoes, i told her not really. I know it is really nothing, however it was a reminder to not start getting too comfy,maybe it is just me having high expectations but i want to earn my place in there and i want them to know i.ve earned it. In my favour my manager did ask on monday how i would feel if i got asked to stay permanently. Then said we'll see... I was thinking of asking her if there is anything i can do better then let me know because i'm enjoying it and dont want to just be doing alright i want to do the best i can do and earn a permanent place in there. I know i'm not like most people in that others would not really express themselves in that manner. They expect to be granted things, that is the vibe i get from my rival who it seems i almost like well i should not be here so i cannot be bothered. But i can never say that for sure. Anyway enough rambling... Notice there is no mention of 'game' for the first time ever. I may amend this post at a later date as i have certain things i could add regarding that.

Where have I been lately...

Well in case you did not know, I now have a girlfriend. It's been a long time coming, three years I guess since I set off on my journey. I've developed a lot and had some real adventures, I never set out to get a 'girlfriend' infact it was not until earlier last year I realised it was what I really wanted if I was being honest with myself.

The girl in question is somebody from work, it seems all a bit 'traditional',however, I KNOW I would have not been able to get with her if had not had the experience of going out week after week and meeting women. This may sound like it's the final blog post but that is certainly not the case. I will still try and maintain this blog and turn it more into a general lifestyle thing as opposed to strictly seduction based. It'll still contain details of my experiences being in a relationship and talking to my friends. I still go out and meet and talk to women so I can continue to address similiar issues I have been talking about through out the blog. 

I am trying to twist Sunnee into writing a piece for the blog, he has been writing a mammoth essay on 'game' more for himself, but he mentioned posting it on here as well. Although he is a little uncertain at the moment, he has been on form recently and speaking the truth so I'm going to really try and get that on here.

2009 Goals

A quick mind dump of my goals for 2009 i want to do it big this year.

Top Four goals for 2009 and why I’ll achieve them

1.Being a Man

Already know hot to be a man, been progressing towards it for the last 2 years. Have all the advice and guidance, consistently improving towards it. Learning more and more about what it takes and getting closer and closer. Important so core confidence is solid, well being, success and positive state of mind.

2, Image Consultant

Have the motivation, passion and desire. Know enough about styling, fashion and grooming to do it. Have a better understanding of the industry. Have the experience and know the potential customer base. It is important to me to become more independent and more successful. Responsible for my own income and own work life. To enjoy what I do and to enrich other peoples lives.

3. Live in the City

Already know how much and where I’m going to live and who I’m going to live with. Know when I’m going to move out. I have been consistently looking for places. It is important because I need my own space, force me to grow up, own independence, easy access to work and cosmopolitan city.

4. Lean Body

Started eating clean, started looking into what foods I eat. Got into habit before with 15 minutes ‘to thrive’, worked out consistently before AND increased my strength. It is important for well being, good for flexibility and for looks/image. Good for the immune system and for health reasons.

 Describe what you will Experience when you achieve it

1. Feel good, feel consistently motivated and grounded. See the way people interact with you. Hear the way they communicate more clearly and straight to the point. You hear the way you speak assertively what’s on your mind.

2. See the way you change peoples states and change the way they shape their lives. Communicate clearly and hear the praise they give you but also reciting the knowledge they’ve acquired. Feel good about changing their lives, feel how drive and excited you are to get up for work in the morning.

3. See the sunrise in the morning, hear the light sound of traffic, feel good after a lie in, feel inspired from looking at surroundings and the ‘buzz’ of the city

4. Feel the ‘aliveness’ of waking up early and walking and doing incantations. Feel the pimp from working out. Hear the compliments form people about your body and eating. See the changes in physical body and feel the well being and energy from eating well.

What resources do I already have at my disposal?

1. The community, friends, books, audio programmes. My own knowledge, own experience and my own intuition.

2. Financial reserve of cash, experience at work, books, tv programmes, motivation, creativity. Business link, flexibility, the community, passion.

3. Cash, internet, friends to move out with. Determination, time to look, patience to wait, experience of someone else who has lived alone before.

4. Experience, already got a good base. Have done it before so know the route to get the results. Tony Robbins, books, friends, drive.

Times I’ve used some of these resources skillfully?

 Basketball Semi Final at School: Creativity, drive, no worries, 100% commitment, didn’t think I could fail

Harvey Nichols 0 – 6 months senior sales: Consistency, drive, motivation, experience, Programs, books

Me and ‘x’: Friends, community, programs, books, own intuition, own desires and passions.

What type of person would you have to be to attain these goals?

1. Driven, motivated and not afraid of failing. Has a power to reframe and not draw state from environment. Draws statte from within, no ego. Thinks out loud, does what he wants, realises there is only himself and no one else. Gives value, remains positive, not victim behaviour appreciates what has and the past, no regrests

2. Discipline, good with money, good at networking, likeable, trusting. Has experience and has a way of communicating with people. Knows fashion and trends, can relate to people. Can organise time well, does not procrastinate, doesn’t see set backs as failures. Can drive through tough times a certain hustle about them. Good selling skills.

3. Someone who has a passion, drive, a way of communicating and getting their point across, good at budgeting finances.

4. Disciplined, a drive to push past plateau’s. Not easily lead. Makes own mind up about things. Organised and prepared, motivated, energetic and inspired, genuinely wants to change. 

What prevents you from having the things you desire right now?

1. Visualise bad things, assume the worst, let other peoples actions dictate how I feel. Afraid of reality, feel validated by attention from others. Let other people’s comments affect me. Draw state from outside me, not from within. Don’t appreciate what I have already and what I have achieved. Compare myself to others.

2. Procrastinate, forget about working towards it. Not enough planning or action. Scared of failing, use waiting for other people as an excuse, sacred to let my plans be known as fear of being judged.

3. Waiting for other people, scared of taking action myself and putting responsibility in my own hands, not consistently being honest with what I want and looking for it consistently.

4. Letting others influence my choice of food. Laziness and lack of discipline. Not creating the time to put the work in.

Step by Step plan to achieve each goal

a)

1. Start being honest

2. Stop procrastinating

3. Improve self esteem

4. Think about loud

5. Draw state from within

6. Do what I want to do

7. Stop caring what people think

8. Keep reading and doing programmes

9. Regularly read goals

10. Appreciate what I have and where I’ve come from.

b)

1. Be honest about what I want at HN

2. Get the work in personal shopping

3. Secure work experience

4. Write business plan

5. Network about business

6. Start getting one client a week

7. Let 3 people a week know about the business

8. Regularly make decisions on gut.

9. Regularly chase up people who don’t get back.

c)

1. Get a pay rise above 14k

2. Plan when going to move out

3. Look once a week for places

4. View once place every 2 weeks

5. Do not wait on other people

6. Listen to gut feeling

7. Budget carefully

d)

1. Every morning get up and do 15minutes

2. Work out at a minimum twice a week

3. Eat 6 times a day

4. Groom once a week

5. Only eat unprocessed and ground foods

6. 1 cheat meal a week

7. drink water through out the day

8. bed no later than 11pm

9. one tea a day in the morning

Models who have achieved what you want to achieve

Michael Jordan

D rowley

Bruce Lee

Qualities that made them successful

1. Self belief, disciplined, motivated, passionate, persistent, insightful, going on gut feeling.

2. Motivated, disciplined, passionate, enjoys work, positive, gets things done, team player, gets on with everyone.

3. Driven, doesn’t give up and not afraid to fail, puts the work in where it counts, get out what you put in.

One main idea from each

1.Belief

2.Don’t procrastinate, take action

3.Drive, to fail is to achieve.

2008 round up

Oh that thing... that is my ideal working envirnoment, just a little exercise I have been doing today. All will be revealed in my first blog post of the new year, expected on you guessed it, new years day.

So I was sat in Nando's with my good friend Herle, discussing goals, life and game. I love conversations like these and can sit for hours just thoerising about things. I was discussing how I feel that I am never doing quite enough, like I am not progressing fast enough. Herle stood up and looked out side the window and said "look at these people, they're just stuck in their routine, the fact that you even recognise that you want to progress is more than the majority of these people" (n.b. Those weren't his exact words... but the general gist of what he was saying). And it is generally true, we can get so caught up in growing that we don't stop and look at what we have and where we've come from.

I started listening to 'Six Pillars of Self Esteem' by Nathaniel Branden on audio book. This very thing was a point he raised about people with high esteem, high esteem people appreciate what they have and what they have achieved, they're not constantly striving for something else. Generally the people that are, acquire what they were striving for, but then strive for something else. The result is that they are constantly striving for something, they are never happy with what they have or what they have achieved, they don't take the time to appreciate that, instead they strive for the next sexual adventure, material object or goal. I realised I do this a lot, I can count numerous times I've come back from a night out 'sarging' and felt frustrated because I feel so far away from what I want. Where as when I take a moment to think, two years ago if I would have been happy with the position I'm now in. Which leads me to question, when I get to the point I 'now' feel I want to be in, will I be content? Will I be satisfied? Will that hot blonde be enough?

This post is about 2008... when I look back at it, it was a successful year, at first glance I didn't think it was particularly successful... nor unsuccessful. But when I really thought about it, I appreciate all the experiences I've had this year and all the lessons I've learnt.

- I got to travel to two new places outside of the UK. I visited Sweden and had an absolutely amazing time. The people, the food, the city of Stockholm, the company I had on my journey there and all the jokes we shared. Glorious times! I got to travel to Prague again I had an amazing time, I got to see a city I'd never visited before, while experience some of the local women ;) the local food and party like a rockstar for a week! That's not to mention the countless trips to various cities around the UK to party that I've had this year; Nottingham, last new years when I was hugging a toilet bowl. Newcastle twice!... the Legend that is SUPERSTAR!! and Byker! Liverpool, Turbo heaven... London... the most amazing party of my life...THE RUBBER BALL! Freezing my ass off in Manchester, Preston... getting fro mogged by Ebbi. These are the trips that I do remember and already each one has brought a smile to my face.

- My job, I finally realised what I want to do with my life, job wise. I made that decision and set out a plan to find out as much information on the subject as I could. I started to plan and act towards setting up a career in that field. I set up my own website, although it is not 100% complete it is up and running. I took the action to get my own business card designed. I started to contact a few potential clients. I had my manager recognise my talents at my job, I was promoted to 'platinum sales' after six months at being in my job. I met some incredible people, learnt a lot about fashion and gained a good grounding in the world of fashion and retail. My new manager is badgering me to step up a level again. I applied for the junior management workshop at work. I've sent emails out about internships and potential work experience at companies in my related field.

This was one area of my life I felt I wasn't satisfied with, I felt I was not pulling my weight in. However, after listing all those things I've done and achieved this year, I personally have been quite surprised, it shows that you should appreciate what you achieve and how far you've come. I started out almost exactly a year ago as a Christmas temp... securing the job permenantly was the first achievement, which I never even considered to be an 'achievement' as such. Previously I had hardly any experience in my field and I had relatively little knowledge when I acquired the job other than the will to learn, confidence and work ethic. It is easy to overlook where you have come from and how you have got to where you are at now.

- This is a funny one, women... I've learnt a shed load about game this year, but I feel on a much deeper level. I've learnt a lot about women as opposed to 'game' I've had the privledge of spending time with two quality women, who I thought were both good lucking and a 'step up' so to speak from women I've had in the past. While being with the first girl for approx 6 months in total, I learnt so much about myself. I started realising what it means to be a man, what sort of actions a man takes and how he interacts with women. I learnt a lot more about dealing with women outside the realms of meeting and attracting them in a bar. I learnt about how to interact with them and how to maintain and go about maintaing a relationship with them. I learnt how to be honest and how thinking 'for' them can lead to so many problems and frustrations. I expressed my self honestly and had the confidence to be honest with both myself and them. This has been one HELL of a bumpy ride and has been extremely draining and stressful at times. But I am far richer from the experiences. They have both taught me a lot and continue to do so, that is the beauty of it. I started scrambling in times of doubt for a magic forumla, for a 'way' to find my answer to get what I wanted. But I realised there is no magic forumla, you just roll with it, do what your intuition tells you, appreciate every moment you have with them and take in every lesson learned. The very act of wanting the magic forumla is setting yourself up for failure, when you just let go and not try and force the outcome, while still being in control of your own life then you find that things will start to fall into place. If they don't you win anyway.... you're still breathing.

I could probably ramble on for a lot longer, but I'll save that for 2009. I just wanted to put this post up really for a reminder to myself and a reminder to anyone reading that it is easy to forget about the growing we do as people. Sometimes you have to sit down and appreciate what you have and from where you have come, not getting caught up in the constant strive for more. 

So until 2009.... Peace