Sounds like the title to a movie sequel right?
Well it is something that I have been thinking about recently, I made a post on the majestic self about it and I'm going to copy and paste the sections that I wrote over there. It was what I was thinking at the time, a realisation, so it is pretty raw. I just wrote it as it came to me but I want to put it here for reference and as I feel it kind of marks the next step in my transformation. I also want to re post what I feel I need to address on nights out to improve. I already posted the list, but the break to Sweden made me completely forget them. So from now on after every night I'm going to write a short paragraph detailing how I did on each point. Just so I know which areas I need to improve on. I want to get this shit down by the end of summer so that is my goal. I'll continue to post once a week. At the end of each post will be a paragraph for each of the nights I went out during that week and a brief summary of how I did in accordance to reaching my goals.
BTW, the picture is by no means meant to be disrepectful, it was just the first thing I got when I hit 'Sarging' in google image search. Go figure...
Ok here are my brain dumps so to speak.
I was talking to a random guy on my MSN, I've met him once or twice but mainly talk to him online. I told him I was going away and he asked the following question.
"Sarging or Chilling?"
Now I have been thinking about this for some time. It kind of irritated me, not that I hate the word, but maybe because I've grown beyond it or grown out of it.
It's just I'm kind of disillusioned with the word 'Sarging' now, whenever someone mentions it I get the image of creepy guys jumping out on girls in clubs. Now I don't want to seem 'above' or disrespectful to guys that are new to all of this but I just think there need to be a general reframe.
I was talking to my wing about this the other night, I don't want to be the guy who walks into a venue and 'selectively' scopes out girls, while doing laps hunting. I want to walk into the room bringing the party, befriending the entire place, just being the naturally cool sexworthy guy we all are.
After a while going out and talking to women becomes synonymous. When I'm out it doesn't matter who I am with I'll always spark up conversation with a girl. Even if it is only very brief or short, it's just ingrained now into every fibre of my being. However, don't get it twisted, I am stilling learning and I am in no way, shape or form 'above the process'.
But it's like Tyler says this shit is not something we do but something we are.
So going back to the initial question, I don't understand why people cannot accept you can do both? Why should an outing be all about meeting women or all about chilling and having fun with your friends? Why can it not be about both. There comes a point where shouldn't need to 'turn it on' it's just assumed... you go out you will meet women.
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I was just trying to think for a second if I can generate the same 'feeling' towards going out tonight as I used to have pre-game. And even though I know tonight I'm going out my with my friends to have a good time there is this little undertone, like a vibration that deep down I know it's secretly about going out to meet women.
It's like I've been going out 'sarging' for so long now that it's almost a give. Night out = must meet women. I know the words we use shape the world we live in, so I feel using the word kind of reaffirms that you're going out to 'do it'. You're going out 'to pick up women'. But you want to be in a place where you just 'are'. I know that can sound abstract and almost like a double edged sword, the idea is to go out with the intention of having a good time and then as a result meet women. But pretty much every guy I see and what I have been doing in the past, is go out with the intention of meeting women under the guise of 'having fun'. But as soon as you get into the venue you see them.... 'looking'...
I'm going to try an experiment tonight to go out and just have a good time, I want to recapture that feeling I used to have before I went out on a night before I 'gamed'. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a bad time when I go out 'picking up' but it's not quite the same feeling, its like.. there is still the hidden agenda.
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Yeah, this is the double edged sword I mentioned. It is easy to make an excuse and say oh I'm only having fun tonight. That's why I said I'm not above the process, you still have to put in some sort of work. This is why I said I was rambling bollocks because I can't really express what I mean. It's that fine line between just being that naturally sexworthy guy going out to have fun and meeting women anyway. As opposed to going out to meet women.
For example I went out with a friend of mine recently and her friend, the intention was to go out and just have a good time. I did, we danced, chatted bollocks and the like. I ended up talking to a fair few girls that night, making out one and then making out with my friends friend. This wasn't a 'sarging' night but see how because I'm starting to make this shit into who I am, I still had the same results if not better than if it had been a 'sarging night'.
Anyway... I still have much love and mad respect to the guys who are out their putting their balls on the line consistently each week. I know a lot of people do use the excuse of 'having fun' to chode it up.
That is the end of the extracts from my post on TMS, the following section is what I have already posted two posts down. I'm just reposting it to reinforce it. In addition, watch this space for a round up each week of how I am getting on in terms of reaching these goals. The deadline is the end of September. That is 6 months to get this shit handled, wish me luck.
* Truly becoming a closer
I know when it is time to close and go for the make out I can do it, there is little hesitation. However, while this is a step to becoming a 'closer' I don't feel it is the complete package. Closing every set should be the frame, if not going for a make out, go for a number close, if no number, facebook. If you've made out and logistics are fucked up, you cannot extract or isolate, go for the number. I don't care if I know it will totally flake, its the actual 'act' of going for it that counts not the number itself. I'm getting something, even if it is some phoney ass digits or facebook because I pissed her off.
* Pushing the Comfort Zone
I have touched on this already, however to add some extra points. I just need to loose control a little more just chill out and not give as much of a fuck. Going direct during the day is a big sticking point that I feel is related to this. This also ties into every other points that I make as essentially they are all tied to pushing your comfort zone.
* Befriend the Room - 'flow'
The concept of flow? At least this is how I view it, warm up sets are old school. Flow is about opening the entire room. As soon as you step in the venue open everything as you walk to your destination. That fuck off 10 mixed set, the two girls stood at the table on the right. The chode day dreaming on the edge of his social circle. The girl dressed as the fluffy bunny, you get the picture. This is this difference between 'sarging' and just being a social guy, the later trumps the former, at least in my opinion. It also forces you to open a completely different variety of social groups. Again, this pushes your comfort zone, it is easy to get into a habit of only opening groups of girl or '2 sets' because those are what you find easy. One of my best nights recently came from befriending chodes and throwing them in sets.
* Plow
Plow everything! From the opener, plow, going for the close, plow, isolation, plow, extraction, plow. My new mentality is if they don't tell me to A) "Fuck off" or B) physically push me away or slap me I'm staying in there. An example was last night, this girl was taking the piss out of our dance moves so I start chatting to her, to her dissatisfaction. She kept pulling faces at me of disgust and in a joking manner showed me the door. I stayed put, hip checked her, she complied, the claw was all up on her shoulder, kinoing, hugging. Even though I thought this girl hated me she never gave me any indication to 'go away'. So I stuck at it, eventually we won her friends over and it was all good vibes.
* Creativity
This is just an icing on the cake, just try and be more creative, not just in what you say to a girl but what you do. I know I have made excuses in the past and just 'dropped' the set or not really pushed it to its potential limit. My excuses blinded my creativity, I could have done something else, it doesn't even have to be outlandish. But just make sure your negative excuses don't cloud your vision and stop you from being creative.
I know when it is time to close and go for the make out I can do it, there is little hesitation. However, while this is a step to becoming a 'closer' I don't feel it is the complete package. Closing every set should be the frame, if not going for a make out, go for a number close, if no number, facebook. If you've made out and logistics are fucked up, you cannot extract or isolate, go for the number. I don't care if I know it will totally flake, its the actual 'act' of going for it that counts not the number itself. I'm getting something, even if it is some phoney ass digits or facebook because I pissed her off.
* Pushing the Comfort Zone
I have touched on this already, however to add some extra points. I just need to loose control a little more just chill out and not give as much of a fuck. Going direct during the day is a big sticking point that I feel is related to this. This also ties into every other points that I make as essentially they are all tied to pushing your comfort zone.
* Befriend the Room - 'flow'
The concept of flow? At least this is how I view it, warm up sets are old school. Flow is about opening the entire room. As soon as you step in the venue open everything as you walk to your destination. That fuck off 10 mixed set, the two girls stood at the table on the right. The chode day dreaming on the edge of his social circle. The girl dressed as the fluffy bunny, you get the picture. This is this difference between 'sarging' and just being a social guy, the later trumps the former, at least in my opinion. It also forces you to open a completely different variety of social groups. Again, this pushes your comfort zone, it is easy to get into a habit of only opening groups of girl or '2 sets' because those are what you find easy. One of my best nights recently came from befriending chodes and throwing them in sets.
* Plow
Plow everything! From the opener, plow, going for the close, plow, isolation, plow, extraction, plow. My new mentality is if they don't tell me to A) "Fuck off" or B) physically push me away or slap me I'm staying in there. An example was last night, this girl was taking the piss out of our dance moves so I start chatting to her, to her dissatisfaction. She kept pulling faces at me of disgust and in a joking manner showed me the door. I stayed put, hip checked her, she complied, the claw was all up on her shoulder, kinoing, hugging. Even though I thought this girl hated me she never gave me any indication to 'go away'. So I stuck at it, eventually we won her friends over and it was all good vibes.
* Creativity
This is just an icing on the cake, just try and be more creative, not just in what you say to a girl but what you do. I know I have made excuses in the past and just 'dropped' the set or not really pushed it to its potential limit. My excuses blinded my creativity, I could have done something else, it doesn't even have to be outlandish. But just make sure your negative excuses don't cloud your vision and stop you from being creative.
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